I am a Big, Fat, Stinkin' Donkey

The title pretty much sums it up. Tonight was my chance, and I flat out blew in about as donkeriffic fashion as you can blow it.

So I got into the 20k at 6 Central like I had hoped. Things were going along decently...just picking up a few little pots and looking for a real hand. And then it came. I limped UTG with KQo, and then called a late position raise. I flopped open-ended and the third nut flush draw, and bet at it. I was raised, and took one off. I then turned broadway. Here I jammed, and villian used almost all of his time bank before he finally called w/QQ, drawing to 2 outs for a split. The K on the river made his gutshot, but made my flush, and here I found myself more than healthy with over 9k. From that point I catapulted unlike I've ever catapulted before, hitting probably the biggest rush of my life, and before I knew it, I was sitting on a 24k stack w/blinds at 100/200. Yes, 119 big blinds! And I was sitting in 10th out of 1k players left. My best position that early in an MTT ever, by far. And I thought, an opportunity nearly impossible for me to give away, given my tight tendencies.

Then just as quickly as I got there, the bottom dropped out.

There was a hand where UTG min-raised, and I had AK in the big blind, so I re-raised him all-in and his pocket pair held up. Down to 18k. But I'll make that play pretty much every time there. A short time later I was in the small blind and it folded around to the button, who made a stealy looking raise, like he had appared to be doing in position quite often. With A5o, I decided to put him to the test, and popped it 3x his raise on a pure resteal. He then jammed, and I was facing a call of 4k into a 12k pot. I didn't see how I could fold, but I'm pretty sure this is a 3:1 call you have to get away from. He showed 9s, flopped a set, and now I'm down to 10k. A while after that I was sitting on QQ in the small blind. Someone min-raises to 800 from EP. Queens have been brutal to me lately, so proceeding cautiously, I just call in the small blind. Big blind then jams his 2500, EP calls, then I don't see any options other than to rejam in my spot and try to get heads up. I know that I'm usually behind someone here, but with QQ on a pathetic stack with about 6k already in the pot, I don't see myself folding there a lot. Maybe I need to. Thankfully, EP folded, but BB has KK, and now I am at just over 10x BBs. From 119. To 10.

So a bit after this we go into the 2nd break and are approaching the bubble. I make a couple of post-break jams that aren't called, and as we rapidly approach the bubble I am actually finding myself in comfortable position to cash. Who would have thought...after all this, I'm gonna make $4 and keep my cashing streak in tact. Oh, but wait. I had more horrible poker to play. With blinds having just changed to 400/800/75, I find myself in the small blind w/KJo. And yet again, I'm faced with a folded pot to the button, who raises. Instead of just folding to the money, I still have dillusional thoughts of winning, and I jam my KJo. Button calls with A5o (Ironically, the hand I donked off half my stack to him earlier with) and proceeds to end up with queens full of aces.

I go home in 527th out of 3k, a mere 14 spots short of the money. And to further illustrate just how deplorable my fall from grace was, the average stack was still not yet at 24k. If I'd have just locked it down, I'd have still been living large.

Tell me that is not THE MOST pathetic display of poker you have ever had the gut wrenching torture of hearing about. I've been sick to my stomach ever since I called an all-in w/A5o and knew that something in my poker playing psyche had short-circuted.

In the end I broke even on the night with a couple of SNG cashes so I may be able to get to sleep tonight, but to think of the missed opportunity and what might have been is going to haunt me for some time to come. This was the chance I've been playing 3+ years for, and I gave it all away.

This is my attempt to cleanse, though. Its all out here in the open, nothing about it can be changed now, and I just have to get back in the tourney and try again and do better next time. Because there is a next time. I just may have to persevere a while to get back there.

G'night.