Reflection

So, looking back on last night's debacle, I have allowed myself some forgiveness.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still disgusted and realize I played some of the worst poker the world's ever seen.

BUT...uncharted territory breeds mistakes.

I'd NEVER had a 119 big blind tournament stack since I started this game, and instead of playing like that wasn't true, I played just like I'd never had a 119 big blind tournament stack since I started this game. Last I knew I was on a rush, so of course I'm going to put someone all-in w/AK for 6k. Cuz I had that luxury. Next time I may think a little longer about it. By no means should I stop playing on a big stack, but in that spot *I'm* not the one who needs to make a move, so I need to think about if I want to potentially flip coins to the benefit of my opponent, or look at a flop and get it in the middle when I know I've got 'em.

My single biggest mistake was the resteal w/A5o. Some would argue that that's a perfect spot for the resteal, with a big stack and a VERY stealy looking situation, but for starters, the resteal is not a move I have spent a lot of time on, so in that spot I should let him have my 100 chips and pick a better time. Plus, all I was thinking about was picking off this guy's steal and how awesome I'd be and had NO plan for if he called or raised and how I'd be in deep shit.

I've never been in that kind of a dominating position, so of course I didn't know how to react. Every hand in this game provides an opportunity to learn, and sometimes its gonna be learning the hard way. Now next time I find myself fortunate enough to amass a big stack, I'll think about this disaster, and hopefully won't make the same mistakes.

Busting on the bubble was also a pretty bone-headed move that really irritates me. Not so much because after all that I could've gotten a refund and an opportunity to move past this and try again, but moreso because I could've made it 6 straight MTT cashes, which is a bonafide accomplishment. But at that point I'd already screwed up so bad, 1) who's surprised, and 2) what's one more huge mistake? To my credit, though, here I found myself in the SB again with the pot folded around to the button, who made a 3x raise, and I'm holding KJ. If I wanted to cash, its a relatively easy fold, but if I wanted to win, that's too good a situation not to get it all in the middle. He could have any 2 there. I miss my cashing streak, though.

So I still can't stop thinking about this, and won't be able to until I've avenged it, but I am allowing myself some forgiveness, because nobody can be expected to do something right the first time, and looking back I found myself in stunned disbelief when I saw the size of my stack and the fact that I was in 10th place out of 1k. In my mind, I'd already reached the pinnacle, and all I saw was the final table and a three to four figure payday. I checked out. Because I'd never been there, and even this point was an accomplishishment unlike any other I'd ever had. In reality, I still had about three hours of hard work left and over 900 people gunning for my chips, and my rush was over. I was really just getting started.

So this time I can forgive myself and learn a lesson. Next time, though...there are expectations that I intend to meet.